1 + 2 makes THREE!!!

And...we're back.

2010-08-24T20:35:00.000-07:00

Picture this...5 weeks of vacation: 4 states, 2 countries, 2 family reunions, 1 wedding, and lots of parties...

We're tired. We just returned from our extremely long family vacation, of which we were not all together for all of it.

Camilla & I flew out to Utah alone mid-July and immediately left the next morning (less than like 9 hours later) for a family reunion in Colorado. I would like to add that our baby is AMAZING! She never cried on the plane - just played happily in my lap or on the floor in front of me (I had a bulkhead seat) and THEN she only cried the last 30 minutes of a 12-hour drive to CO (I was crying too so I can understand why she did). 2 days of travel and she only complained for 30 minutes...Incredible.

We had tons of fun with my family...first we got to see my sister Malia & her family in Colorado Springs and it was GREAT! I was so excited that they got to meet Camilla & spend some time with their first cousin on their mom's side of the family. I can't wait for Camilla to be a little older so she can consciously interact with them. ;-)

Then we headed over to the family reunion in Pagosa Springs...lets just say I found a great deal for our housing (rented a condo) online and mom and I thought it wasn't real when we got there...almost turned to drinking from the bar beside the rental company out of relief when we finally found the place! ;-) The reunion was great and we are all looking forward to the next one in Missouri.

When we got home it was WEDDING TIME! Mom, Camilla & I were busy busy busy with wedding chores and it was a beautiful wedding. Tim & Tabitha looked great and the reception was a lot of fun. The wedding ceremony was beautiful and I am so glad that Kody & I were able to be there for it.

Saturday we headed up to Heber, UT to go down the river with our friends Brad & Elly and loved every second of it.

Monday we got to go to BYU and see all our friends in the Microbiology Department - thank you to all who were able to come and reconnect. We were so glad to talk and have you meet our daughter...we forgot to take a picture though. ;-(

Tuesday morning we headed up to MT for the Johnson Family Reunion. We rented a car to get up there and were given a Prius. Ummm...Kody LOVED that car...he had to report to me every time the car shut-off and charged the engine or every time he backed up he would look at the camera that came on to show you behind your vehicle instead of looking in the mirrors. It was really funny. It got GREAT gas mileage, that was my favorite part. We spent the week with his family, jumping off cliffs (that's right - I did it!!!!), swinging from ropes (yep, did that too!), going on 10K hikes that rose in 1000 ft in elevation (yep...me) and just having a good time and not showering (that part was not so good). Camilla did great. We jet skied, boated and swam. The lake was super warm so even Camilla got in the water for a little.

Then we continued on up to Barnwell, Alberta and hung with his family for the week. His brother came home the next Wednesday from his mission in NM so we were super excited to be home for that. Everyone loved seeing Camilla and playing with her. By the way - again, no crying on the way up to MT. She woke up once for food. The same with the drive back down. She is simply amazing...there is no way around it. And we don't know why...we take no credit.

Then Kody flew back on his own that next Monday afternoon and Camilla & I stayed for a week. It was nice to just spend time with my family and watch my siblings play with her. She started chatting up a storm while we were there and that kept all of us entertained.

While we loved our vacation, we loved coming home too. And today, I taught my very first voice student. I've FINALLY decided to start teaching voice lessons. I was so nervous that I didn't sleep for like 2 days and woke up stressed. I am talking the minute I opened my eyes, stress. It went pretty good (at least I think it did) so that is a little encouraging. I still have a lot to learn about teaching...just because I can sing it doesn't mean I can teach someone else to sing it. But...the threat of being separated from my child by needing to get a different part-time job was strong enough to get me to face my fears. So, here's hoping (my fingers are being crossed). If you know of anyone wanting to start voice lessons in New Haven..send them my way! ;-)

Pathetic...that's me (this is Connie)

2010-08-24T20:20:00.000-07:00

Ok - I know that I have been blogging for a while - but obviously "a while" does not translate into "a lot" because I JUST found out how that people leave comments on my blog. So - to all of you who have left a comment and I never responded or said anything, thank you! I didn't even know you had left one until now! ;-) Sad...

(quite frankly - I don't know if you can respond to people that have commented or not...)

Girlfriend Giggles

2010-07-08T08:37:00.000-07:00

On May 28, Camilla laughed at me for the very first time - and she has just been laughing ever since. Our friends, Jay & Becca, came over and brought their daughter, Laura, who is just 11 days older than Camilla. They sat on the couch next to each other and had a grand old time...it was SO CUTE watching them play together! Look at all those chubby cheeks to squeeze!

Daddy & our sweet Camilla...

2010-07-08T08:29:00.000-07:00

2010-07-08T08:24:00.000-07:00

LAUNDRY DAY!!!

Needless to say, these are not one her favorite days...(but she still is cute!)

Family Time...

2010-07-08T06:32:00.001-07:00

So, we had 2 sets of visitors that came and went but went unnoticed on our blog...not that this is surprising or anything, a lot of things go unnoticed on our blog. ;-) But...we are now making up for it.

April 9 - April 18

Grandma & Grandpa Boyer came for their first visit with Camilla (and us too I guess) and of course they loved her. They were obsessed with holding her and I can't blame them. One time, I said, "Ok whoever finishes eating first gets to hold the baby!" It was said slightly sarcastically because I needed someone to hold her so I could do the dishes or something. All of a sudden,

Grandma shoves all of her food in her mouth at once, holds out her arms & says, "I win. Give me my prize." I was laughing so hard. ;-) I was so glad to have them here to visit and just watch them love her and her love them. We were able to go to NYC and see Rob

(my brother) which was a lot of fun. We went to China Town and every waiter and waitress in the restaurant stopped working and came over to see her. All at once. It was a little weird but flattering. She traveled so well - she slept through all of NYC and slept through our whole trip to RI as well (just a day trip). We are so blessed to have her!

My favorite part of the NYC trip was walking through central park - there were some really pretty trees there! It almost felt like we were in nature! ;-)

May 28 - June 6

This was definitely adventurous for us! Grandma & Grandpa Johnson flew into Toronto, ON, Canada for business so we drove up there to meet them. We were a bit nervous driving all that

way with Camilla and hoped it would turn out ok. She is AMAZING!!! She slept the ENTIRE way and only woke up once for food. Unbelievable. It was really fun because Camilla had to get a passport to go so we asked the border agent if we could get a stamp in her passport - her very first one! Too bad she was sleeping through it!

We spent a few days up in Toronto and then drove down to a timeshare at a lake in PA. On our way down we took a quick stop at Niagara Falls - which were beautiful, as always. On Wednesday, Kody drove back with his mom (Camilla was sick, so we stayed in MA - her first little cold - it was just terrible listening to her not able to breathe clearly, but again, she was amazing and hardly fussed at all) to Toronto to pick his dad up from his conference. On the way back, they stopped in Palmyra, NY and enjoyed the sites there. There we spent the rest of the week and then Friday we headed back to New Haven for the weekend.

Thank you for coming Grandparents - we LOVED having you here...and we can't wait to see you again in just a couple weeks!

2010-05-12T16:07:00.000-07:00

We thought it was high time that our little girl tried some ice cream. After all, it is a staple in our diet! I had fed it to my little cousins before and they had twisted faces so we wanted to tape that reaction. She sure did enjoy it!

Mother's Day!

2010-05-11T18:04:00.000-07:00

So Sunday was Mother's Day and we wanted to keep things simple. However, I was "persuaded" to do something to make it memorable for Connie, seeing how it was her first Mother's Day and all. I planned a nice little breakfast in bed and a little video recording. It wasn't much but it was fun. We sure love being parents!

Labor

2010-04-21T11:15:00.000-07:00

Camilla's Labor & Delivery Story

(or as Kody would say: Camilla's Labour & Delivery Story)

Week of March 8:

All week long, Kody kept saying, "I hope she comes this week, I hope she comes soon!" And I kept saying, "No! She is not allowed to because we are moving this weekend!" So he says, "Fine, than since we are moving on Saturday (3/13) she can come that night!" And I said, "I don't even think so! She is not allowed to come until AT LEAST..Monday..NO...Tuesday!"

Well folks, apparently my baby was listening to me already. ;-) We did not move on Saturday, we ended up moving with an hours notice on Friday night because of the forecast for torrential rains on Saturday - which in deed, they were. We spent all weekend setting up our new apartment as much as possible. Monday came and I decided to wash clothes instead of go grocery shopping. Then we went to sleep.

Tuesday, March 16, 3am

I woke up to slight cramping and then find myself "peeing" my pants and somehow unable to stop the fluid. Finally, I woke up Kody who happily declared, "I think your water just broke!" Oh no.

We called the doctor who said not to come in until my contractions were about 3-4 minutes apart consistently. Okay - we got some serious time because I hadn't even had another contraction at this point. So we decided to go back to bed. At around 3:20 am, I had another contraction. Then another one at 3:35 am, 3:45 am, 3:52 am, 3:57 am - they continued being around 4 - 5 minutes apart for awhile. So we decided to get up and get ready.

I hadn't even packed our bag for the hospital yet! I had to pick out clothes for her to wear home (I ended up using an outfit that Tasha - Thanks!) We wanted to use the one from Grandma Johnson - but it was way too big, as you can see from the picture!

Kody showered and then I showered. I did my hair, painted my toe nails (just with clear polish), and by the time I got around to putting on makeup - Kody was getting antsy and telling me to hurry up since we were now around 3 - 4 minutes apart and had been for some time.

We got to the hospital around 7:30 am and spent the next 6 1/2 hours trying to get me to dilate past 3 cm. We walked around in the atrium of the hospital for 4 of those hours until I could not possible walk any farther. Well, I probably could have, I just didn't think I could at the time. At 2 pm, the doctor suggested that they give me a little bit of pitocin (a drug that will induce labor - painfully) to help speed things along since I was "starting to get tired". Are you kidding? I was SO tired at that point. I had been having contractions for 11 hours at that point, at least 6 of those hours had been fairly heavy contractions. ;-)

To help with the pain I was about to experience from the pitocin, he also gave me another drug that would help "take the edge off", but not to worry - I would still feel every contraction. ;-) He also said that I was not relaxing enough in-between contractions, so he wanted to give me some Benadryl. They asked me how I felt about all these drugs - up to that point, I didn't want any drugs, I wanted to do it naturally. By then though, whatever - do whatever you want to me. I was too tired to care or make any real decisions. ;-) He assured me that the pitocin was only a small amount to help me move past 3 cm and that the pain medication would only be temporary and would only last for the next 1 1/2 - 2 hours.

They gave me the Benadryl first and I pretty much don't remember anything else past that. Apparently Benadryl really works well on me - the nurse kept calling me a "cheap date" because it lasted for so long too. How nice, huh? I basically fell asleep in-between each contraction for the next 2 hours. I would fall asleep for a minute or so and wake up to intense pain and then pass out again when it finished. I could hear them talking to me and asking me questions but I seriously could not pull myself out of my drug-induced state enough to answer them. They kept asking me if I was going to want to get an epidural.

I didn't want to get an epidural because so many women before me had done it without one - my mom, my sister Malia, etc. I should be able to handle this, right? My sister had called me earlier in the morning when she found out I was in the hospital. We cried together on the phone and she encouraged me, saying she knew I was scared but that she knew I could do this and that I was strong. So those were the words that I kept hearing over and over again. You are strong, you can do this.

I didn't want to let anyone down by getting the drugs - mostly myself. So I just ignored their questions and kept going back to sleep.

At 4pm, the doctor came in to check on me and see if I had gone any farther. The last 2 hours had been extremely painful. I would hold onto the bed rails and clutch them as the contractions passed. Then I would promptly fall back asleep once they were finished. The doctor happily and excitedly announced that I had move 2 cm. That, apparently, was right on track - about 2 cm every hour.

Are you kidding me???

And the question again - do I want an epidural? Oh blah, I just didn't know what to do. I decided, yet again, to ignore the question and see how far I could go. I was now at 5 cm. I have 5 more to go - so 5 more hours. Then I had about 1 1/2 - 2 hours of pushing. I thought that maybe I could do it. What I had forgotten though was that the pain medication they had given me was now gone and so the next 45 minutes were extremely painful. Kody said I didn't even let go of the bed rails in-between the contractions. He had to tell me to remember to breath, just breath in general. Not one of the special breathing methods - just normal in-take of air because I would just hold my breathe through the contraction. I remember him telling me to let go of the bed railings but I couldn't. He said my arms were just shaking. Poor Kody - he couldn't help me much since I was so drugged that I couldn't respond to him.

Finally - at 4:45pm, I had a small revelation. I had a thought in my head: We live in an age of MODERN medicine - USE IT! Yes, all those pioneer women did it without drugs - but they didn't have an option! Perhaps they would have chosen drugs if they did have the option! I am never going to want to give birth again if I have to do this for another 4 hours plus 2 hours of pushing.

So, I made my decision. I want that epidural. But I just couldn't say it yet. So I decided to have them check me again. And they would say, "Oh yeah! You've gone another cm! Only 4 more to go!" And then I would say, "Forget it. Give me an epidural!" I forced myself to open my eyes and get the nurse's attention (Christy is her name). I asked her to be checked and she went to find the doctor. Only a few more minutes and I would have relief on the way! She came back and told me the doctor was actually delivering another baby and would come as soon as he could. I was like, "NOOOO!" I seriously could not wait any longer. I had made my decision and I wanted my relief! A friend of mine had just had a baby and she told me how great it was after she got the epidural and I wanted that!

After I yelled at her, Christy was like, "Um, well, I could check you or I could get a resident to check you...". To which I responded, "I don't care who checks, someone just needs to check me!" So, Christy checked me and then excitedly said, "Well, good news, in the last 45 minutes, you've gone from a 5 to a 10! You are ready to push!"

I was like, "NOOOOOO! No I'm not! I'm not ready! I wanted an epidural!" Apparently, it was too late for that! They didn't even have time to break out the stirrups. Next thing I know, the Christy is telling the other nurses that they need to get the doctor in the room, Kody is being instructed on how to hold my left leg while Christy holds my right leg, I'm being told how the counting and pushing will go, and a med student named Mike is standing at the top of my bed, holding my head and counting to ten. I just kept saying, "I don't want to do this! I can't do this." To which Christy responded, "You have to do it, you are the only one who can!"

So, we went through 10 pushes total. Around push number 2 or 3, Christy said to me, "You are such a good pusher! Keep pushing!" To which I responded, "No I'm not!" I could feel the baby's head moving forward and then moving back. So I felt like all my work was in vain. All she was doing was going back and forth - I was seriously going to be at this forever.

Then around push 5 or 6 she said, "I can see the baby's head, just keep going!" I looked over at Kody at this point - to see his facial reaction. I wanted to see if he could see the head too, then I would believe her. Unfortunately, Christy is more trained than Kody and he couldn't see what she was seeing. So his face showed no excitement, just confusion. So, to her encouraging words, I yelled back, "No you can't!"

Then she started saying, "You're almost done, just keep pushing!" Well, in my videos, they said that pushing was supposed to be about 1 1/2 to 2 hours. I didn't really know how long it had been but it only felt like a couple minutes - so I totally didn't believe her and said, "No I'm not!" I didn't want her telling me I was almost finished when I still had 90 minutes of this left!

At push 9, the doctor finally came in. He was trying to get his coat on when he looked over at me and said something like, "Whoa, keep the baby in there - don't let it come out. Just blow it away, blow it away."

To which I said, "I CAN'T BLOW IT AWAY!!!" At that point, I pushed, the doctor threw the gloves he was desperately trying to get out of the package onto the floor and caught the baby with his bare hands.

10 pushes total - about 10 minutes of pushing. Yeah, it was quite fast. But boy am I glad! A few seconds or so after she was born, I fell asleep - thanks to our little medication friend, Benadryl. How awful is that! It was definitely an amazing experience. Kody, my medically-minded-man, was just in awe of everything. He'll have to tell you his view of our experience in another post.

To my slight credit, I only yelled four times - my last 2 contractions before pushing and my last 2 pushes - I guess more than four times if you count all the "rebuttals" to Christy and my "declaration" to the doctor at the end. ;-)

Who "blows away" pushes? Honestly?

P.S. The best part of this whole story - I talked to my sister later that night and told her she was my inspiration. That I did it naturally because I wanted to be like her and just kept hearing her voice in my head. To this she responds, "Um, Connie, just to set the record straight, I had epidurals with both my children...I don't know why you thought I didn't." WHAT??? Are you kidding? How did I not know that!?! I just endured 14 hours of labor for NOTHING?!

At least I know I can do it now, I guess. ;-)

Camilla Lucille - Our Bundle of Joy

2010-04-21T08:30:00.000-07:00

Yes, it's true - I am FINALLY posting pictures and stories of our sweet baby girl.

Camilla Lucille Johnson

Born: 3/16/2010 (that's right - 2 days before my 28th birthday) @ 5:10pm
Weight: 7 pounds 4.2 ounces
Height: 19.5 inches
Hair: Dark and LOTS of it
Eyes: Still working on determining the color!

She is perfect - and I am not just saying that. She really is. ;-)

Things I love about her:

Her stretches when she is trying to wake up
Her grunting
Her cry that sounds like a donkey
The fact that she actually says "wah" when she cries
The fact that she hardly ever cries
Her smile
Her attempts at laughing (she has just started that in the last week or so)
Her beautiful, beautiful eyes
Her button nose
How she now clings onto my shirt collar when she is lying on my shoulder

When she sleeps on my chest
Her pouty lips
Her sad cry when she is having a little nightmare or sad dream

How she sleeps with her right (balled up in a fist) up next to her cheek
That she smiled at me when I was singing "A Whole New World" to her to calm her while dad warmed up her bottle, and then frowned at him when he popped up behind me to see her smiling (I think it is because she knew he was getting food and then he showed up without it!)

Holding her and watching her sleep
Stroking her soft hair

How she looks like a baby duck after a bath because her hair is so light and fluffy

Sucking and kissing on her big cheeks
Her double chin
The dimple in her chin

How she falls asleep with her hands in "frightened" poses

That she is such a great traveler (we went to NYC for the day and she was amazing - no crying at all)
Her soft skin

Watching her play with Grandma & Grandpa
Her tiny shoulders
Her round belly

When her eyes go cross-eyed

Her little tiny fingers
How she purses her lips and spits bubbles when she has had enough food
That she needs me

Honestly I could just go on naming things I just love about her. I can't believe how much I LOVE being a mom. I am so grateful to my husband for supporting us so I don't need to go back to work. How lucky and blessed we are. How lucky and blessed am I to have him as a husband and Camilla as a daughter and how lucky Camilla is to have Kody as her father. He loves her so much and just LOVES to hold her and show her off. She definitely had him wrapped right around her little finger (actually all her fingers and probably her toes too!) from the day she was born!

Of course - when you see her, how couldn't you be?

Exciting News

2009-08-06T06:12:00.000-07:00

Well, so far being here in Connecticut has been good luck for us. We found a place that we want to buy and put and offer in on. The same day that we put the offer in on we found out that Connie is expecting! A whole bunch of changes all at once but we are definitely excited about it. It's been pretty busy, trying to get all the paperwork and things done for the house at the same time as trying to find a job for Connie but we are managing.

Day 3: Beautiful Nauvoo

2009-07-13T08:03:00.000-07:00

The drive to Nauvoo is such a beautiful drive right by the Mississippi River. It was a favorite part of our drive.

Day 2: Rolf & Karen Sue Cook

2009-07-13T07:18:00.000-07:00

Here they are...my Great Aunt & Uncle. I really loved getting to know them and sharing time with them. Hopefully we'll get to visit again.

Day 2: Missouri

2009-07-13T07:15:00.000-07:00

It was beautiful in Missouri, humid but beautiful!

Day 2: Liberty Jail

2009-07-13T07:11:00.000-07:00

Liberty Jail: this is the amount of space they had in Liberty Jail. The walls were super thick so barely any light could come in. It was quite sobering to be there. The picture of the larger building is the Visitor's Center. The Jail replication is inside the visitor's center.

Day 2

2009-07-13T07:08:00.001-07:00

They have their very own protesters here too! We are not alone!

Day 2: Independence, MO

2009-07-13T07:00:00.000-07:00

So here it is...the Community of Christ Temple. It is definitely different looking than our Temples!

Day 2

2009-07-13T06:38:00.000-07:00

Here is our poor ghetto car. Since we have the straps going through the car doors to hold the car topper on the seal doesn't seal very well. So...it is LOUD. So we used my good old BYU sweatshirt to help block out the noise...we looked pretty awesome driving with this. I tried to wear my sunglasses in populated places to avoid being looked at. :-)

Day 1: Izzy handling the trip...

2009-07-13T06:33:00.000-07:00

Ok, so Izzy was NOT handling the drive well, so we decided to give her the medication that the Vet gave us. She didn't handle that well either. She looked like she was on drugs. It wasn't pretty. Finally she calmed down though and just fell asleep in Kody's arms and then moved down to the floor where she slept the rest of the day.

Day 1: Our poor coche

2009-07-13T06:31:00.000-07:00

Yeah...this is the top of our car. We just were waiting and waiting for it to cave in but our car is STRONG!

Day 1: Inside of our car

2009-07-13T06:29:00.001-07:00

So here is the inside of our car...our poor cat! It is all packed up to the front seats. We can see her but we can't open the door to get her out. So anytime we want to get her in/out we have to stop and pull over! Oh yeah.

Day 1: We're Off to CT

2009-07-13T06:25:00.000-07:00

Ok, here is the truck of our car. There is absolutely NO room left in there!

Update

2009-03-24T09:45:00.000-07:00

Ok, so today I am just working on a paper for my technical writing class. I am looking forward to being done with school in a month! We are still waiting on medical school notifications. We have been rejected everywhere except for the University of Cincinnati. We are on the wait list there and are waiting to hear from them regarding my status. The deadline is supposed to be April 15th so we hope to have news by then about what we are doing. I did get an interview and job offer at Yale University at an Immunobiology lab there. I would be working on graft rejection/transplant rejection research. It sounds very exciting and I am very interested in the position. We will just have to wait to see what happens for sure.

Long Time

2009-02-12T09:20:00.000-08:00

So it has been quite a while since we last wrote. We are currently waiting on medical schools. I was not accepted to the majority and are just waiting for the one school that I interviewed at to respond. I am on the wait list and so just have to.... wait. Life is going well though. We are excited about going on a cruise! We bought tickets and will be going the last week of April. It is right after my graduation so we figured we hadn't been on a holiday in a while so we will go. We are going to leave from San Diego and go to Ensenada. It will be a 4 day cruise and should be a lot of fun!
Since winter is here there is a lot of snow and we figured this might be out last winter here in Utah. I decided to take advantage of it and so have been getting a fair amount of snowboarding in. I am taking a class that meets every Tuesday afternoon and we go up to Sundance. It is a lot of fun. That's all for us right now but more to come!

Busy Busy Busy

2008-11-06T08:24:00.000-08:00

This week has been incredibly busy. Connie and I have been running back an forth like mad people trying to get everything done! This week was exciting because I heard back from the University of Cincinnati! They want me to come for an interview December 4-7. It is exciting, though I am a little nervous! Yesterday a medical scientist that worked for Eli Lilly came to BYU and I visited with him for almost 2 hours. It was really interesting. He worked a lot on Evista - a drug that is for post-menopausal women and actually helps to reduce the risk of breast cancer! He directed the production and research on it over 17 years! It was interesting to see what someone in the field has done with their career. I am going to graduate in April. That is still pretty crazy to me. I still don't feel old enough to have graduated college but I guess I am! Connie is doing great! She is working full time and taking an accounting class which she is doing really well in.

On Sunday there was a baby blessing at church. It was really neat to see because this is a fairly young family (their 3rd child) and their whole family came! There were 3 full pews taken up by all of their family. The blessing was really awesome too. To see the Priesthood brethren stand in a circle holding the infant in their arms and then to feel the power of God as they pronounced a blessing upon him. It strengthened my testimony that this is the Lord's church. I know that the Priesthood was restored and now we have the keys of revelation and all of the blessings the gospel can bring. It is just incredible! Connie is teaching Primary in our ward and she loves it. She is thinking that they are going to have a Christmas party without me! (It will be the week of December 4-7 so I will be gone) but her kids are awesome!

One last thing... Elections were on Tuesday and it was a very interesting experience to see the whole process. I was almost more interested in the outcome of the vote for Proposition 8. For those that don't know, that is the proposed amendment to the California constitution that would define marriage as only between a Man and a Woman. The leaders of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints encouraged all of its members in California to vote in favor so that the sanctity of marriage might be preserved. They released a statement to the world on the status of the family in 1995 entitled "The Family: A Proclamation to the World" In it they outlined the role the family has in God's plan for his children.

"We, the First Presidency and the Council of the Twelve Apostles of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, solemnly proclaim that marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God and that the family is central to the Creator’s plan for the eternal destiny of His children...

The first commandment that God gave to Adam and Eve pertained to their potential for parenthood as husband and wife. We declare that God’s commandment for His children to multiply and replenish the earth remains in force. We further declare that God has commanded that the sacred powers of procreation are to be employed only between man and woman, lawfully wedded as husband and wife."

I firmly believe this statement and know that the family is the most fundamental unit in society and in God's plan. As I was reading about the issues I came across this statement by a member of the church that has struggled with same-sex attraction that just astounded me. I profoundly respect this woman and her statement embodies the true issue:

PROPOSITION 8: A CLEAR MESSAGE FROM SOMEONE WHO'S BEEN THERE

I am going to attempt the impossible: I want to try to discuss Proposition 8 in an honest, equitable manner.

To demonstrate the divisiveness of the issue, let me first point out that I could only call it "Proposition 8." If I'd called it by its original name, "Proposition 8: California Marriage Protection Act," you would think that I want you to vote "Yes on 8." After all, who wouldn't want to protect marriage? If I'd called it by its new name, as determined by California's attorney general and legislative analyst in July, "Proposition 8: Eliminates Right of Same-Sex Couples to Marry," you would think that I want you to vote "No on 8." After all, who would want to eliminate someone's rights?

And, to demonstrate how far-reaching its effects, I didn't even need to call it "California's Proposition 8." No matter where this email goes, to any of the 50 states that may have propositions up for vote, I'm confident people will know which state's "Proposition 8" I'm talking about.

Laurie Goodstein of the New York Times describes the Proposition with poetic imagery: "it is raging like a wind-whipped wildfire in California." More poetic still...from an article in Monday's San Francisco Chronicle:

"Michelle Sundstrom and her husband gave $30,000 to the Yes on 8 campaign and put a sign on their home. But in response, two women parked an SUV in front of their home, with the words 'Bigots live here' painted on the windshield. Sundstrom believes such responses must come from deep places of pain-and that gays and lesbians are entitled to the same rights as heterosexuals, just not the word marriage. Any animosity toward gays or lesbians is wrong, she said.
"There must be such deep, deep, deep hurt; otherwise there couldn't be so much opposition," she said. "They've lived with this. I guess we're getting a taste of where they live."

Wow. Perhaps all this craziness and hate-slinging is actually getting us somewhere. A heterosexual Mormon couple has a "Bigots live here" sign parked in front of their house, and what's their response? "They've lived with this. I guess we're getting a taste of where they live."

And she didn't just say "deep hurt." She said "deep, deep, deep hurt." I know the depth of that pain. I grew up Mormon and gay back in the 1970s. That was when we were shunned, ridiculed, bruised, battered, and discriminated against by nearly everyone, religious or otherwise. We hid in the closets because it hurt too much to come out. People who did come out were called perverts, child molesters, predators, queer, sick, you name it. For those of us who were Mormon, it was even worse. We were attracted to the same sex, yet Mormon doctrine stated we were supposed to get married only to a member of the opposite sex. It is a direct conflict between the two strongest, most significant desires in life.
When I was in college, I met a woman with whom I thought I'd spend the rest of my life. But after a couple of years, we broke up. That was when I had this feeling, an impression, to talk to my bishop. I had no idea who he was because I hadn't gone to church in years.
That bishop used the power of the priesthood in my behalf, just as the divine plan had been laid out. He met with me for almost three years as I struggled and faltered. Suicide was a very real threat. I feel blessed, or lucky, or both, not to be among the many who have already pulled the trigger. I wasn't suicidal because of the Church's unwavering stance on marriage. I hadn't been forced to believe, or guilted into it. I had not been brainwashed. My testimony came from the heart.

In time, my spiritual identity began to gain strength over my sexual identity. I was finally able to choose the right. But it was a troubling choice. I had no desire, whatsoever, to spend a lifetime with a man - much less an eternity. So that left me with celibacy. To this day, sacrificing same-sex relationships is the greatest sacrifice I have made.
Years ago a friend said: "The sacrifice of a loved one for an attempt to live righteously cannot go unnoticed. The loss is real, the sadness is real, in a world where so few things are real." Now, the sacrifice is being publicly recognized by Church leaders. In a fireside for Latter-day Saints in California, Elder Quentin L. Cook said, "There are faithful temple-worthy members of the Church who struggle with this great challenge, often in silence, fear, and great pain."

Back when I was battling same-sex attractions, I couldn't find any LDS resources dealing with the issue. I'd insist, "The Church doesn't understand. They don't even care enough to help." Finally I realized that the Church I was critizing was not just "they". It was also "I", and perhaps "I" should quit complaining and start writing. So I did. The title of the book sums it up: Born That Way? A True Story of Overcoming Same-Sex Attraction. Few people were offering hope back then for those who wanted to overcome same-sex attraction. I felt compelled by the spirit to try and provide hope for others with struggles similar to mine.

The secular resources did more harm than good. Back then, the only claims you heard from the "experts" were: "Sexual attractions are a permanent part of who you are. They're indelible, unchangeable, and unavoidable." Fortunately, the "experts" are now realizing that, just like other aspects of who we are, sexual attractions are influenced by genetics, environment, upbringing, experiences - all of it. Nature and nurture are no longer pitted against each other.

For almost 20 years, I've had the unique opportunity to witness the journey of many people who face this trial. I started in 1990, when Evergreen asked me to help as a volunteer phone counselor. Evergreen is an organization established to help Mormons struggling with same-sex attractions. Over the span of nearly two decades, I've seen some of those Latter-day Saints get married in the temple. I've seen others work to remain celibate - either because they have not found a spouse or because they have not developed attractions toward the opposite sex. I have also seen those who once had very strong testimonies, who tried desperately to bring their lives into accordance with gospel principles, but finally gave up. At least for now.

THIS IS SO IMPORTANT: Some people, no matter what they do or how hard they try, will never find themselves attracted to the opposite sex, in this life. They deserve our utmost respect. So do those who identify as gay or straight or bisexual or none of the above. They all deserve our respect.

No doubt because I have lived both sides of this issue, I am not surprised that the wildfires are raging in California. Also, it's not difficult for me to understand how the body of the Church has become divided. I've felt divided, too. Our family lived in California in 2000, when the Defense of Marriage Act came up for vote the first time. My husband and I had been sealed together for time and all eternity, and our children had been born under the new and everlasting covenant. We, as an eternal family, were and are the direct beneficiaries of the Church's unwavering stance on marriage. What once created angst so severe I considered suicide led me to a life I never thought possible. One in which I have been happily married - to a man - for 15 years.

However, I know all too well what it's like to be discriminated against. And the thought of "eliminating" someone else's rights seems wrong. Up until this week, it seemed to go against my sense of fairness, democracy and justice as a citizen of the United States. It also seemed to run contrary to the core of my faith - the second greatest commandment - to love one another.

Despite my apprehensions in 2000, my husband and I acted in faith and supported Proposition 22 because the prophet asked us to. I hate to admit this, but it wasn't until this week that I was able to reconcile the opposing viewpoints I have continued to debate in my own head. I now understand why the leaders of the Mormon Church have been taking such an active role in all of this. It happened while I was reading a National Public Radio report entitled "When Gay Rights and Religious Liberties Clash". It says, "In recent years, some states have passed laws giving residents the right to same-sex unions in various forms. Gay couples may marry in Massachusetts and California. There are civil unions and domestic partnerships in Vermont, New Jersey, Connecticut, New Hampshire and Oregon."

I was astonished when I read: "So far, the religious groups are losing." They listed examples such as Catholic Charities in Massachusetts who had to pull out of the adoption business because they refused to adopt to same-sex couples. Individual rights are being revoked, too. A woman declined to photograph a same-sex couple's commitment ceremony, saying her Christian beliefs prevented her from sanctioning same-sex unions. She was found guilty of discrimination.

When I read that article, it was like a light bulb went on over my head. More importantly, I felt a spiritual confirmation in my heart that the prophet truly is prophetic. And that was when this impression came to me:
It's not that the Mormon Church is trying to get into politics. It's that politics is trying to get into the Church. And not just our church. Any church or congregation or individual who believes that only a marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God.
I'm sorry I couldn't see what the prophet could see. I'm sorry I'm not sending this letter until now. I'm sorry for my apathy, for being "lukewarm". (I thought it was only a matter of time before same-sex marriages became legal everywhere.)

Yes, we're behind in the polls. Yes, it's the Friday before Election Day. So PLEASE, email this letter to anyone and everyone you think could benefit from it - as quickly as possible.

Unfortunately, someone has to lose with Proposition 8. Somebody's right to something will be limited after the polls close on Tuesday. I, for one, do not want it to be my right to worship as I please.

Sincerely,
Erin Eldridge

P.S. For those who would like to respond to this letter - whether in anger or frustration or support - I will do my best to respond to every email I receive. But please, be patient. All our kids are still at home and I work part time. Email riverwalk8@gmail.com.

We will continue to try to update our blog on a regular basis... maybe it'll be our Family Home Evening activity every week! Anyway, that is all for now!

-Kody and Connie Johnson

2008-09-23T08:35:00.000-07:00

So we made a trip to Yellowstone last week and here are a couple of pictures. It was perfect weather.

Breathing Time

2008-09-23T08:25:00.001-07:00

Ok, so I'm not quite as busy at Connie makes it sound... only just about. I am in between classes and just posting a little. It is true that there are about 1000 things to do all the time. This semester I am taking 18 credits and working 3 jobs at school. I also volunteer at the hospital in the Radiology department. I am applying right now for MD/PhD programs. I have heard back from the University of Cincinnati, Harvard Medical School, Johns' Hopkins Medical School, University of Pennsylvania School of Medicine, University of Pittsburg School of Medicne, Mayo Medical School, and the Medical School of Wisconsin requesting secondary applications. University of California San Diego and UC San Francisco both are evaluating to see if I can submit a secondary application. I have yet to hear from Baylor College of Medicine, Oregon Health and Science University, and Washington University School of Medicine. I should hopefully start interviewing soon. It is an exciting and stressful time right now. I am also applying to volunteer with the Payson EMT crew. Connie is working full-time at the Microbiology department and taking Accounting 200, which has been a lot of work. I guess she figured that since she does the finances and hasn't ever taken a financial class that might be a good thing to do! That is what we are up to lately. We will try to keep updated posts but it just follows the schedule!

of surviving this semester

2008-09-22T10:27:00.000-07:00

Well people - it's true...we've joined the blogging world. We are an up-to-date happening couple! YES!

So, our title...I keep thinking that every semester, life will slow down the next semester, we just need to make it through the semester we are in but....it never ends. And I've come to the realization that it never actually will. Kody likes to do 1000 things ALL at once. :-) But I love my motivated man and I sure don't like a slow life. So we'll get working on putting our busy busy life...by "we", I mean "I" as Kody barely has time to breathe this semester. So we will continue our adventurous life and see what it holds in the future - so will you too apparently...